THE RABBI'S ASS

A rabbi wanted to raise money for his synagogue and on being told there was a fortune in horse-racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races.
To his surprise, the donkey came in third.
The next day the local paper carried this headline: RABBI'S ASS SHOWS.

The rabbi was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.
The local paper read: RABBI'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Shul president was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the rabbi not to enter the donkey in another race.

Then next day, the local paper headline read: SHUL PRESIDENT SCRATCHES RABBI'S ASS

This was too much for the Shul president, so he ordered the rabbi to get rid of the donkey.
The rabbi decided to give it to the rebbetzin.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: REBBETZIN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Shul president fainted. He informed the rebbetzin that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.

The next day, the paper read: REBBETZIN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Shul president, so he ordered the rebbetzin to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

Headlines read: REBBETZIN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Shul president was buried the next day.

The wording hits the spot.

Lateral thinking...Bravo.

THREE WISE (WO)MEN
What would have happened if, instead of three wise men, it had been three wise women? Specifically, if it had been three wise (local) Jewish women?

They would have asked directions (but taken their own anyway), arrived on time (despite massive and annoying detours), helped deliver the baby,
cleaned the stable, made a brisket, and brought practical gifts.

But what would they have said when they left?

"Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that shmattes-for-a-gown?"

"That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!"

"Virgin? I knew her in school!"

"Can you believe that they let all of those disgusting animals in there!"

"I heard that Joseph isn't even working right now!"

"And that donkey that they are riding has seen better days too!"

"Want to bet on how long it will take until you get your brisket dish back?"