Just when we think that our writing is perfectly clear...





THE YEAR'S BEST HEADLINES OF 2005:


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]


Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[you think?]


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]


Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

Another example of our media.