A Scot has visited London and is now talking to the locals about it. he says it really wasn't a "verra guid" trip because his hotel was extremely noisy.

Some of the locals are surprised to hear this because he stayed at one of the swankiest hotels in London. The Scot is asked to explain.

The Scot says: "Every morning at around 3 AM I was hearing pounding on the walls and even on the ceilings and floors. It was so bad I could na play my bagpipes".

(There are theories about how Scottish bagpipes {the missing link between music and noise} began. One theory is that a Scot stepped on a cat's tail and liked the sound)

Easy now. This one's getting a bit too close to home.

(I'm in the Highlander's Unit at our local Shrine temple, and play the bagpipes )


Although, I do maintain that my neighbor is much better on the bagpipes than I am. When he practices out in his yard, folks come over and offer money for him to play at their special events (he even played for some special-event at the Alabama State Governor's office)

When I play, folks drive by and offer me money to stop.

Ben:

We are both Celts and so we fight like cat and dog. I still prefer Scots to the Sassenagh!

My wife keeps asking me what I have against the Irish. (I maintain I don't like 'em, and even though I would LOVE a Wolfhound, I refuse to call them an "Irish" Wolfhound.)

I tell her it's just on general principle.

My heritage is Scotch on one side and Irish on the other.

For me that basically comes down to Glenlivet over Bushmills.

And then there's always the ongoing issue of convincing my wife exactly WHY we need a wolfhound.

Ben:

I was very fortunate to grow up in a family of Irish Catholics - and to have a large number of close family friends who were Scots Presbyterians. Sounds odd, doesn't it - but it was so. It happened because my parents were people who made friends regardless of religion - and in my opinion, it's religion that has divided all of us, Irish, Scots and English. These jokes are meant to be just that - jokes. No deadly insult ever is intended.

LOL - and none ever taken.


It's kind of a running joke in my family with me. They'll try to tell me I'm Irish, and I'll adamantly defend that I'm Scottish.

I really don't bother as much with the religion side of things. For me, it's the Gaelic.

I view Scotch Gaelic as the "true" Gaelic, and those other fellas, took it and bastardized it.

Remember where all the original Australians come from.
We were all chosen by the finest judges in England!
My family has got those bastard English surrounded! Welsh, Irish, Scot and German.
It's all in good fun guys!

Cheers, Dave.

Aye, I'm trying to come across as joking with good-natured and friendly heckling.

It's hard to do that in text though, no harm or actual slight is ever intended.

I've even been known to drink/use Bushmills when making bread pudding.

I was told that the true definition of a Gentleman was "A chap who can play the bagpipes but doesn't"

Eddie, I was always told the definition of a Gentleman was "One who can play the banjo, but chooses not to do so".
I guess bagpipes will fit that catergory, depending upon your location.

Cheers, Dave.

What’s the difference between the bagpipes and a lawn mower?



You can tune a lawn mower.

Eddieharren:

I always said that Marylanders were fine judges of horses and women!

Ben:

I have to look around and over my shoulder before I whisper this to you. Using Bushmills in bread making is really a waste of good flour and yeast! I realize that in saying this that the awful suspicion may arise in some quarters that I'm Scots. I'll just have bear up under the shame of it! I hate Bushmills and all Irish whiskies! I redeem myself with my people by also hating all Scotches. If you don't drink either a bourbon or Jack Daniels (Down! you uneducated rabble! Jack Daniels is not a bourbon!) then you are not drinking a proper whisky ("whiskey" for some of you purists!) I also admit Canadian Club drinkers to the ranks of we gentlemen!

gerry, I'm afraid that here in OZ, you either drink Bundaberg rum, or you have to juggle 3 Taipans (they are on the top ten list too!). Sorry, but those are the rules.
Beer is an acceptible substitute beverage, but will immeadiately mark you as a lesser man, possibly even a Kiwi

Cheers, Dave.

I too claim Celtic bloodlines and do like the Pipes. My father played the chanter and two of my uncles were pipers with the Queens onw Camron Highlanders of Canada. My dads other brother was only a drummer!
Both of my younger sisters inherited a musical ability, I just got seniority and a mechanical aptitude! derf

Dave:

Actually, rum happens to be one of my favorite liquors. (White only and not seasoned).

There are quite a few liquors that if you had named them as an Aussie drink -that I would have preferred to juggle the taipans. (LOrd!, I must be drunk already to have just said that!)

However, quite seriously - what is Bundaberg rum?. I confess I have never heard of it. What proof is it? White or dark? I can't believe it's a local product because I never knew Australia grew sugarcane. ( yes, I know your Northern Territories is tropical) Nearest to you I know of for growing sugar would be The Phillippines. Look forward to learning something new! Regards, Gerry

Derf:

Everything I have posted about "the pipes" is intended only to kid the Scots. It happens that when I have heard the pipes played by Highland regiments I always felt a certain thrill because I knew the history of the Highland regiments and the pipes certainly are stirring.

Hay watch those Scottish jokes! lol!

gerry, we only grow sugarcane in the tiny area between Bundaberg and Cairns. Call it about 2000ks or so. And yes, Bundy rum is dark. Since this area is also where lots of Taipans are to be found, if you don't want to drink Bundy, well it's no trouble to find 3 for you to juggle.
Fosters on the other hand, is a beer we make exclusively for the American market. Well, we must, as no-one here drinks that shit!
I think I would sooner juggle 3 angry taipans and a running chainsaw, than drink Fosters.



Cheers, Dave.

Gerry, I wasn't offended, this is after all supposed to be the humour forum.

And as for Sambar, juggling chainsaws is Digital Dans baliwick! derf

For those concerned with minutia....

If it's not dark, it's not rum.

Fosters beer= canned kangaroo piss.
Paul B.

Dave:

Very interesting about the Bundaberg rum and the abundance of taipans. Beginning in 1953 I spent some summers in Cuba until Castro arrived. Sugar cane fields were infested with rats and I suspect the taipans feed off them. In Cuba there was the fer-de-lance, a quite deadly snake. Fer-de-lance wasn't a native of Cuba but was introduced to get control of the rat population in the cane fields. I haven't been in Cuba since Castro took over and have wondered if fer-de-lance is still around to keep control of the rats. I guess taipans do have a useful purpose, after all!. ( I became accustomed to white rum in Cuba where it was cheaper than water in those days - literally. The Havana restaurants used to charge for a glass of allegedly bottled water because typhoid was so common. { The locals taught me early on that the common belief was that the "bottled water" came out of the kitchen tap and was strictly for tourists. I drank rum as a medical precaution, of course!

Swamp_Fox:


It's all a matter of taste - as the old lady said when she kissed the cow!

quote:

If you don't drink either a bourbon or Jack Daniels (Down! you uneducated rabble! Jack Daniels is not a bourbon!) then you are not drinking a

I've been on a walking tour of the Jack Daniels plant there in Tennessee. Darned nice setup those folks have. I don't mind Jack Daniels or Maker's Mark, but given my choice, I'd prefer Glenlivet.

My father tends to believe all scotches taste roughly the equivalent of "old dish water", and treats them accordingly. He prefers Jack Daniels or Evan Williams himself.

The fer-de-lance, is obviously not up to the job of keeping the rats down.
After all, isn't Castro still there?

Cheers, Dave,

quote:

Originally posted by Paul B:
Fosters beer= canned kangaroo piss.
Paul B.

No, seriously, kangaroo piss would be far better, at least you know where it came from.

Cheers, Dave.

Do you guys still have Tooeys (sp?) Tueys? However it's spelled, beer over there?

No, that's why we have XXXX, for people who cannot spell the name of their beers.

Yes it's still here, but you'd have to be mad (or desperate) to drink that trash!

Cheers, Dave.

Dave:

Your comments about Foster's beer reminds me of an experience of mine. Today, Coors beer is sold across the US. However I remember my first time in Denver,( Colorado). This was many years ago. I felt that I should give the local product a try. ( I had probably heard local radio ads or seen billboards). I was with a couple who lived in Denver. We were killing time at the bar of a restaurant. I ordered Coors. My friend said: " Why don't you order bottled mountain lion piss?" His wife laughed. Even the bartender grinned. I never forgot that experience and if Coors sells so well nationally today in the US it must mean that a lot of people have peculiar taste - or they changed the recipe!