Little Johnny



Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby Russ was born without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have
20/20 vision."

"That's great," said Little Johnny, "'cuz he'd be shit-outta-luck if he needed glasses."

Then there was the day in school and little Johnny's teacher was going over their spelling lesson by asking the class to spell words beginning with a certain letter. The first letter was A and knowing Johnny well (his brother's name was Dirty Billy), she figured he would spell a**hole or some other dirty word, so she called on Suzy. A-P-P-L-E, apple, said Suzy. Very good, said teacher, now who knows a word beginning with B? Johnny can hardly remain in his seat he's waving his arm so hard. Teacher again knows that B isn't a good letter for Johnny, so she calls on Joey. B-A-L-L ball, says Joey. Great says teacher and goes on to C, and D, not calling on Johnny for either of these letters. Then comes E, and she can't for the life of her, think of a dirty word beginning with E, so she calls on Johnny. He stands up proudly, and holding out his hands about 18" apart, he says "E-L-F, elf, with a dick this big."