We've all heard about Murphy's Law, but here are some others we can
also relate to:

Finagle's Fourth Law:
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Gumperson's Law:
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

Watson's Law:
The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and significance of any persons watching it.

Lowery's Law:
If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Meskimen's Law:
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

Young's Law:
All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Corollary to Young's Law:
The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.

A Golf Story...

A father, son and grandson go out to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reach the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approaches them. She explains that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an
emergency that called him away and asks the trio whether she can join them. Naturally, the guys all agree.

Smiling, the blonde thanks them and says, "Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you wants to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear or tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at
it,so just don't try to coach me on how to play my shots."

With that the guys agree to relax and invite her to drive first. All eyes are fastened on her shapely behind as she bends to place her ball on the tee. She then takes her river and hits the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.

The father's mouth is agape. "That was beautiful," said the dad. The blonde puts her driver away and says, "I really didn't get into it and I should have faded it a little."

After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots (she was closest to the pin) the blonde takes out a nine iron and lofts the ball within five feet of the hole. The son says, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly." The blonde frowns and says, "it was a little weak. I've left
a tricky little putt."

After the son buries a long putt for a par, dad two putts for a bogey and granddad overruns the green with his itching wedge, chips back and putts for a double bogey, the blonde taps in the five-footer for a birdie. The guys all congratulate her on her fine game.

She puts her putter back in the bag and says, "Thanks, but I really haven't played much lately, and I'm a little rusty. "Maybe I'll really get into this next drive." Having the honor she drives first on the second hole
and knocks the hell out of the ball, and it lands nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway. For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continues to amaze the guys, quietly, methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.

When they get to the 18th green, the blonde is three under par, but has a very nasty 12-footer on an undulating green for a par. She turns to the three guys and says, "I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to
break 70 on this course. If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole, I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 25-year old Jameson's in him, fix him dinner and then show him a good time the rest of the night."

The yuppie son jumps at the thought. He strolls across the green, carefully eyes the line of the putt and finally says, "Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup."

The father kneels down and sights the putt using his putter as a plumb. "Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and run it left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup."

The old gray haired grandfather walks over to the blonde's ball on the green, picks it up and hands it to her.
"That's a gimme, sweetheart."
"Your car or mine?"

REMEMBER:
AGE AND TREACHERY WILL TRIUMPH
OVER YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!!!!!!

Subject: Some Problems can be Fixed

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.