Because of misunderstandings that seem to frequently develop when East

Coasters and Californians cross states such as (but not confined to)

Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Idaho, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa,

Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, Colorado, Montana, Wyoming, North Dakota,

and South Dakota, those states' tourism councils have adopted a set of

information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand THE

WEST, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:



1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before

breakfast than you do all week at the gym.



2. It's called a 'gravel road'! No matter how slow you drive, you're

going to get dust on your car. Now just drive 70 or get used to being

passed.



3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.

Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.



4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't cry to us if a

flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. Oh, and by the way, we

have a name for those little trout you fish for --- bait.



5. Pull your pants up! You look like an idiot.



6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their

final approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you don't have it up

to your ear at the time.



7. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for

what you paid in the airport for one drink.



8. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak.

Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two

pounds of ham and turkey.



9. You bring Coke into my house, it had better be brown, wet, and

served over ice.



10. So you have a $60,000 car you drive on weekends? We're real

impressed!!! We have two $250,000 combines that we only use three weeks

a year.



11. Let's get this straight -- we have one stoplight in town. We stop

when it's red. We generally even stop when it's yellow.



12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So,

you're a feminist..... isn't that cute?



13. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too -- and turtle. You really want

sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.



14. They are PIGS. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't

like it? Interstates 80, and 90 go two ways -- Interstate 15 & US

Highway 93 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.



15. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a

religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.



16. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being

friendly. Understand the concept?



17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don't hit in the water hazard.

It spooks our fish.



18. That Highway Patrol officer that just pulled you over for driving

like an idiot --- his name is "Sir". No matter how old he is.



19. The bill on your hat should turn down at the edges to shed the rain

and should be centered over your nose to keep the sunlight out of your

eyes. Any other location/orientation makes you look like an a--hole.

DAMN STRAIGHT!!!!!!! And well put! Russ

Yep, works that way here too... Unfortunately we're just WAY to close to California....

Ken....