University scientists have released the results of a recent analysis that reveals the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. It turns out that the "hops" in beer contain certain phyto-estrogens, and scientists believe that be drinking enough beer, men may turn into women. In the study, 100 male volunteers were asked to drink 8 pints of beer in one hour. The results were observed and recorded. At the end of one hour, every single subject had developed female characteristics and the test was terminated. The data is provided below:
After one hour, 100% of the test subjects:
1. gained weight.
2. talked excessively without making sense.
3. became overly emotional.
4. couldn't drive.
5. failed to think rationally.
6. argued over nothing.
7. had to sit down while urinating.
8. refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
After these eight symptoms, no further testing was necessary.

Dunno about #7, "had to use unoccupied hand on wall to steady self" maybe. Sitting down? Still, 7 out of 8 ain't bad.