Recently, a routine police patrol parked outside a bar at a golf course in Texas. Shortly before closing, the officer sees a man carrying golf clubs leaving so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled and bumbled around the parking lot. The officer remained quiet observing him. The man stumbled for what seemed like an eternity trying his keys in five different vehicles.

Finally, he found his pickup truck and tried to throw his clubs in the back, but fell down trying. His golf bag and clubs fell out and tumbled on top of him. He sat there looking at his clubs and bag for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

He gathered everything up, got into his truck, started the engine and switched the wipers on and off, even though it was a clear moonlit night. Then he flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only vehicle left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started his patrol car, and put on his emergency lights and pulled the man over.

"Good evening, officer," the golfer said.

"License and registration, please? Have you been drinking tonight?" the officer asked.

"No sir, not a drop," the man said.

The officer administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. The breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I seriously doubt it," the golfer said. "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

Works Every Time.

A drunk walks aimlesly around the front of a bar with his carkeys in his hand and his dick hanging out of his trousers.
A cop walks over and askes the drunk if there's anything he can do to help.
The drunk says: Someone stole my truck.
Cop: Where did you see it last?
The drunk: Right here at the tip of my key.
Cop: Do you know your penis is hanging out?
The drunk: Awww man, they stole my girlfriend too!

I remember Townes Van Zandt telling that one years ago.