I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear
of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not
eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the
wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank.
When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said, 'Nope,
you're still black'.

Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches
tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that!

A 10-year Old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man
passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.'
'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for
you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last thing on my mind at
the moment.'

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But
since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works
best!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter
speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth
closed.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could
look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself. I'm going
to take that.'

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa . He looks down and sees a
farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks back up
and shouts back. You're in a basket you dumb shit!

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last
question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the
curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they
wanted the name of a country?

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly
found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct
answers.

I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off
is a piece of cake. --

Good Ones!!

And then there was the liberal who was drinking with his friends (both of them) and they got into a PC bragging contest. He finally shut it all down and they went back to serious drinking when he said:

"If I ever get married and have kids, I'm going to see to it that they have friends of every color in the rainbow...of course that means NO blacks."