For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my Children (honest &no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy shoot! A talking pig!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid

Oh that's not true, I bet it's more like 80%

Any special brand of brake fluid? And I will let you know if the scented bleach makes even more smoke than the regular stuff...

Doesn't it feel wonderful when you realize you've found a "home" with guys just like yourself? Dutch.

Naybe so Dutch,but it's a little scary when you realize that place is "Possum Lodge" derf

"Naybe so Dutch,but it's a little scary when you realize that place is "Possum Lodge"

I'm a man, I can change... if I have too... I guess".

Where is the duct tape? I don't think there is as much bad mouthing on that show as there is in some of the forums here though.

if you want to make smoke mix saltpeter and sugar,when we were kids we closed down the turn pike for 2 hours,I can still hear my mother yelling ROBERT!!!!!

I'm sorry I haven't tried it before but I will later today.

Is the brake fluid and clorox mixing kinda like a snipe hunt? I tried it useing different ratios and did not get any smoke at all.

Do you have to light it?
and the saltpeter/ sugar ignite it also?

Maybe we should start a new thread on home chemistry?

Bill

[ 06-07-2003, 15:35: Message edited by: pahandgunhunter ]

yeah, how exactly does that work?

dammmittt , I can learn how to build a a bomb or napalm from the web but I still can't operate a computer or build a decent smoke bomb.......................... oh well

Hey, forgot that one.
Napalm.....Ivory Snow Flakes soap and gasoline.

Bill

Just pour a quart of Dexron through your carburetor. Extra points for dual exhaust.

Paul

Holy SHIT! My mother is posting here now.

;-)
Doc

I have been lurking here for some time. I will reg for this brake fluid thing thou.

When I was in my teens we built 'Aggie fish'n sticks' with that chemical mix. We would put some pool chlorine in a 6 in x 1 in nipple. I won't go into many more details except to say start off with a coke bottle, add your chemicles, stand back with a timer going. You don't want to be near that pipe when it is 'fish'n'.

When we tryed it without a lid to contain the pressure. The reaction is too slow without pressure.