Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding,
He laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and
don't
Expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the
table
Unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want
with my
old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my
rules.
Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there
will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're
Here or not."

(SHE'S GOOD!)

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding
anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads,
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that
reads,
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

Marriage (Part III)


Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the
breakfast
table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed
either,"
and
storms out of the house.

After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends
And rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the
Irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the
phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother
of
Six"
In spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go
home
and
Wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts
at the
Top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts
right
back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

Yuman:

A young man is impressed by the fact that his grandfather and grandmother have lived together in total harmony for some 60 years. (This story takes place some years ago) He asks Grandpa what the explanation is for their successful marriage.

It seems that when they were married, horse and buggy carriage was the rule. As they drove away from the church, the horse stumbled. Grandpa said: "That's once". The carriage went on a little farther and the horse stumbled again. Grandpa said: "That's twice". The carriage went on a ways farther and the horse really stumbled. Grandpa got out of the carriage and shot the horse on the spot. His new bride jumped out of the carriage and began berating him as a cruel man and she wouldn't sleep with him if he was the last man on earth!.

Grandpa said: That's once".