Boy (n)
Noise with dirt on it.

Be the kind of man that when you put your feet on the floor in the morning, the Devil says “Oh crap, He’s up”.

It’s all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.

Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.

Some people just need a hug…..
Around the neck….
With a rope.

Sarcasm… Because beating the crap out of people is illegal

Follow your heart but take your brain with you.

Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid. Albert Einstein

I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings.
I’m a drunk. We go to parties.

Never underestimate the stupidity of idiots.

Deja Moo, The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

Muzza,
I'm stealing a couple of these.