THE HORMONE HOSTAGE
THE HORMONE HOSTAGE KNOWS THAT THERE ARE DAYS IN THE MONTH WHEN ALL A MAN HAS TO DO IS OPEN HIS MOUTH & HE TAKES HIS LIFE INTO HIS OWN HANDS! THIS IS A HANDY GUIDE THAT SHOULD BE AS COMMON AS A DRIVER'S LICENSE IN THE WALLET OF EVERY HUSBAND, BOYFRIEND, CO-WORKER, OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER!
DANGEROUS:

SAFER:

SAFEST:

ULTRA SAFE:
WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

CAN I HELP YOU WITH DINNER?

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FOR DINNER?

HERE, HAVE
SOME WINE.
ARE YOU
WEARING THAT?

WOW, YOU SURE LOOK GOOD IN BROWN!

WOW!
LOOK AT YOU!

HERE, HAVE
SOME WINE.
WHAT ARE YOU
SO WORKED UP ABOUT?

COULD WE BE OVERREACTING?

HERE'S MY PAYCHECK.

HERE, HAVE
SOME WINE.
SHOULD YOU BE EATING THAT?

YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OF APPLES LEFT.

CAN I GET YOU A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE WITH THAT?

HERE, HAVE
SOME WINE.
WHAT DID
YOU DO
ALL DAY?

I HOPE YOU DIDN'T OVER-DO IT TODAY.

I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU IN THAT ROBE!

HERE, HAVE
SOME MORE
WINE.

13 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
1. PASS MY SHOTGUN
2. PSYCHOTIC MOOD SWING
3. PERPETUAL MUNCHING SPREE
4. PUFFY MID-SECTION
5. PEOPLE MAKE me SICK
6. PROVIDE ME with SWEETS
7. PARDON MY SOBBING
8. PIMPLES MAY SURFACE
9. PASS MY SWEATS
10. PISSY MOOD SYNDROME
11. POOR MEN SUCK
12. PACK MY STUFF
13. POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT

When a woman bitches, the correct response is, "Why don't I take care of that right now, so I won't forget?"

The incorrect response is, "Ahh shuddapp!"

Put my name in that.