Guy's wife was hinting about what she wanted for their upcoming anniversary. She said she wanted something shiny that goes from 0 to 160 in 3 seconds. Guy buys her a bathroom scale.

Husband and wife are at the hushand's high school reunion. Wife sees husband staring at a drunken woman seated at the bar.
Wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," the husband replies. "She's my old girlfriend. She took to drinking right after we broke up and hasn't been sober since."
"My God!", says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Hushand and wife are at a London restuarant. The waiter first asks the husband for his order. "I'll have a steak please."
"Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" asks the waiter.
"Nah. She can order for herself." says the husband.

Woman is standing nude in front of the bedroom mirror. "I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." she says to her husband.
"Your eyesight is damn near perfect," he tells her.

Husband and wife are in bed watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". Husband turns to her and asks, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No!" she replys.
"Is that your final answer?" he asks.
"Yes," she says.
"Well then, can I call a friend?" he asks.