Legal jokes for week end.

A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer.
"Nope," replied the man. "Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1,000 he owes you," said the lawyer. "But it's only $500!" replied the man. "Precisely, that's what he will reply and we will have the proof we need," said the lawyer.



The professor of a Contract Law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!" The student then replied, "Ok. I will tell him - "I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before and hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding.

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognised the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98." A few days later the butcher received a cheque in the mail for for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read : 'Legal Consultation Service': $150.

The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with Honours, and then went home to join his father's legal firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, you know what, in one day I managed to solve the accident case that you've been working on for 10 years!" His father responded : " You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for 10 years!"

Stole those!

As long as we're doing lawyer jokes:

Bill was a father of 3 sons in college. The eldest son studied civil engineering and when he graduated Bill called him into his study. He wanted to find out if his son's education was worth all the money he had paid, so he directed him to design a new sewer system for the city. When he saw the plans his son had made he was impressed and told him to go out into the world and make his fortune.

When his second son graduated from college with a major in aerospace engineering, he gave him a similar test as he had the first son. He told him to design a state of the art fighter jet. When he passed with flying colors, the father told him he was impressed and would do well in the real world.

The third son had gone to law school. When he got home, Bill decided that his test probably shouldn't be too hard, after all, he was a lawyer. When he got his youngest son in his study he asked his question. "Solve this equation: 2 + 3 = ?"

His son looked around the study. He walked over to the window and pulled the shades. He went to the door and turned out the overhead lights. He then came over to the desk, turned down the desk lamp, leaned over close to his father's ear and whispered, "What would you like it to be?"