There was a cute young maid from Jliss,

Who's conception of ultimate bliss,

Was to jazz herself silly,

With the stem of a lilly,

Then run in the garden and piss!

There was an unfortunate Scotsman named Jock,

Who suffered a terrible shock.

He took a shit in a leaf covered pit,

And his crap tripped a trap on his cock!

There once was a man from Jurrass,

Whose balls were made from brass.

In stormy weather he'd clank 'em together,

And lightening would shoot from his ass!

A very odd bird is the Pelican

For his beak holds more than his belly can

He dives so deep

For the fish that he eats

I'm damnmed if I know how the hell he can

There lived and old maid in Jelot,

Whose diet was frog shit and snot.

When she grew tired of these she'd eat the green cheese,

That she'd scrape from the sides of her twat!

There once was a girl from Jurrass,
who had such a beautiful ass,
it was not small and pink as you may think,
it was gray, had long ears and ate grass.

Thee was a young man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said, "I admit I'm a bit of a shit
But just look at the money I save."

There was a young man from Boston
Who drove a car they called the Austin
There was room for his ass and a gallon of gas
While his balls hung out and he lost 'em!

There once was a man named Sweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
So being a quick thinking wit
He added Vermouth to it
And slipped his wife a martini

Nymphomaniacal Jill
tried a stick of dynamite for a thrill.
They found her vagina
in North Carolina,
and bits of her tits in Brazil.

There once was a queer from Khartoum
Who took a lesbian up to his room
They stayed up all night
In one heck of a fight
Over who should do what, and to whom.

There once was a lady from Sidney
Who could take it clear to her kidney.
Then a man from Quebec
Stuffed it clear to her neck!
He had a big one, now did'n he?

A sweet young lady from Kuwait
Went out on an overnight date.
Her pussy was tight
And she sucked oh so alright
But in the morning her father was irate.

Isn't SOMEBODY monitoring this forum?

quote:

Posted 03 May 2011 06:11 Hide Post
Isn't SOMEBODY monitoring this forum?

Yes! Many of us!

An excerpt of the Farta from Sparta........

As I sat with the Dutchess at Tea,

She asked Do you fart when you pee?

I said with quick wit do you belch when you shit?

And felt that was one up for me!

quote:

Originally posted by A7drvr:

quote:

Posted 03 May 2011 06:11 Hide Post
Isn't SOMEBODY monitoring this forum?

Yes! Many of us!

+1

"There once was a man from Nantucket . . ."

No, I can't. Even though from Massachusetts, I just can't. I'll try another . . .

"A do-it-yourselfer named Alice,
Used a dynamite stick for a . . ."

No, this just isn't working. Maybe a new setting will work . . .

"There once was a woman from China,
Who had an enormous . . ."

This is hopeless. I give up.

There once was a women from Nices
with tits of two different sizes.
One was small and nothing at all.
The other was large and won prizes.

There once was a man from Racine
who created a strange 'fucking' machine.
Twas concave and convex
to fit either sex
But oh what a booger to clean.

An agreeable girl named Miss Doves

Likes to fondle the young men she loves.

She will use her bare fist

If the fellows insist

But she really prefers to wear gloves

There was a young man fom Brighton

Who said to his girl "you're a tight one"

She said, "Pon my dear soul,

you're in the wrong hole

There's plenty of room in the right one."

there once was a man from adair

who laid all his girls on the stair

one day the banister broke

so he lengthened his stroke

and finished her off in mid air

On the internet they found romance,
That put both in a hot sexual trance,
But each had a gripe,
About having to type,
With a hand stuck down into their pants

It started on Capitol Hill,
That the right has gone in for the kill.
A Starr fell from the sky,
Will slick Willie slide by,
And does Monica's dress show a spill?

In convertibles she was quite brash,
When she put her feet up on the dash.
As a trucker drove by,
Her bare crotch caught his eye,
And four people were killed in the crash

With the heat of their passion quite high,
In the dark she had grabbed the K-Y,
But her burning desire,
Quickly set him on fire,
When she smeared that Ben-Gay on the guy

Bud, Laughing my ass off!

From deep in the crypt of St Giles
Came a scream that resounded for miles.
Said the vicar "Good gracious!
Did Brother Ignatius
Forget that the Bishop has piles?"

There was a young fellow from kent
whose prick was peculiarly bent
to save himself trouble
he shoved it in double
instead of coming he went

There once was a man from calcutta,
who liked to have sex with his mudda,
when the baby came out,
she said with a shout,
"say hello to your son and your brudda!"

There was a young lady from Ealing
Declared, she had no sexual feeling.
Till a young man named Boris
Touched her Clitoris
And she had to be scrapped off the ceilling!!

There once was a man from Bombay
who built a vagina from clay....
but the heat from his prick
turned it into a brick...
and chaffed all his foreskin away!

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it.......
Said he with a grin as he wiped off his chin,
If my ear was a pussy, I'f fuck it.

There once was a man from Duluth,
Whose Dick was shot off in his youth,
He fucked with his nose,his fingers, and toes,
and came from a hole in his tooth.

On the banks of the Thames stood Lord Buckingham his thumbs in his mouth,he was sucking em he was watching the stunts of the cunts in the punts, and the tricks of the pricks that were fucking em.

quote:

Originally posted by drewhenrytnt:

quote:

Originally posted by A7drvr:

quote:

Posted 03 May 2011 06:11 Hide Post
Isn't SOMEBODY monitoring this forum?

Yes! Many of us!

+1

And still more.

Scriptus, for God's sake put your finger back in the dyke.

I surrender. Fight fire with fire. Here's a nice hot fresh one.

There was a young sailor named Ken
Who had an unusual yen.
When asked if his yearning
Had caused any burning
Said never had it, and never want it again.


Ken was my dear friend, now departed, who served in the Navy in WWII. To relieve the boredom the guys indulged in endless BS. "Never had it, never want it again" was the response to "Did you ever get the clap?" Ken had dozens of these little gems. RIP

There was ayoung man from Dumrig,

Who did seven times a day frig!

He boogered a tailor, two jews and three sailors,

And ended by fucking a pig!

I have a book called "The Limerick".

It is long out of print and would be considered a perversion by todays standards. Nothing is sacred in this text. They attack homeless, christians, jews, muslims, tradesmen, clergy, sporting and hunters and every sort of sordid thing under the sun. I will try to find it and post some more goodies. It is really awful!

Andy

Andy, spare us.

quote:

Originally posted by Brice:
Scriptus, for God's sake put your finger back in the dyke.

Brice, I need my fingers for the keyboard.

There was a young lady from Cape Cod
Who thought all good things came from God.
But it was not the almighty that lifted her nighty.
It was Rodger the lodger the sod.

Ouch!!!!

quote:

Originally posted by drewhenrytnt:
There lived and old maid in Jelot,

Whose diet was frog shit and snot.

When she grew tired of these she'd eat the green cheese,

That she'd scrape from the sides of her twat!

There was an old skank from Azores

Whose vagina was covered with sores.

Even dogs in the street would not eat the green meat.

That hung in festoons from her drawers.

quote:

Originally posted by Lapidary:
Nymphomaniacal Jill
tried a stick of dynamite for a thrill.
They found her vagina
in North Carolina,
and bits of her tits in Brazil.

Once was a woman from Dallas

Used a dynamite stick for a phallus

They found her vagina in North Carolina

And the rest of her ass in Corvallis.

The real challenge here is the spelling --

Two tooters who tutored the flute

Tutored flute tooters to toot

Which was harder was moot:

To tooter the flute, or tutor flute tooters to toot.

They walked the lane together'
the sky was filled with stars,they walked a bit in silence,he lifted up the bars,she neither smiled nor thanked him because she knew not how;for he was just a farmers boy + she a Jersey cow.

There was a girl fom Hong Kong
Whose cervical cap was a gong
She let out a yell
When a shot rang her bell
I'll trade you my ding for a dong!

I know a Paki whose name is Jim,
I like to throw tomatoes at him.
Tomatoes are great cause they don't break the skin,
But these fuckers do cause they're still in the tin.