Guess that is reading, NOT viewing!

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie
says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Bernard."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Benard Glickman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like
my coming along when you needed
a cab. It would have happened like that to Benard every single
time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Benard. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on
the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an
opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have
heard him play the piano."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?"

Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's
birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to
eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse,
and the whole neighborhood blacks out."

Passenger. "Wow, some guy eh?

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid
traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them"

Passenger: Mmm, not many like that around"

Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and
never answer her back even if she was in
the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly
polished too."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Benard."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

Cabbie: "I'm married to his widow!"


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It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old spinster ladies
sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting
there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?

"Heavens no, we bought it."

"Then why don't you drive it away."

"We can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"We were told that if we bought a car here we'd get screwed . . . so we're just sitting here waiting.