I can't stand distasteful humor...and, here are some examples:

A woman in labor is screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed.
He says, "Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass but NO, you said that might hurt!"
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I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted.
I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic.
I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn't thank me enough!
But I spend 50 bucks on a blow-job for myself and she goes fucking nuts!!!
Women, I can't figure them out!.
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A mother in law said to her son's wife when their baby was born:
"I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son."
The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said:
"I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy...not a fucking photo-copier."
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A blonde and a brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees boyfriend in a flower shop.
"Just great," the brunette complained to the blonde, "my boyfriend is in the flower shop buying me some flowers."
The blonde responds, "Why is that a problem?"
The brunette replies, "Because now he'll expect me to spend all weekend with my legs spread and my feet up in the air."
"Why?" asked the blonde, "Don't you have a vase?"
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Little kid catches his mom and dad having sex. He says, "What are you doing?"
His father says, "We are making you a little brother."
The boy answers, "Why don't you do it doggy style, and make me a puppy!"
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"I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like; "I'm tired, I'm washing my hair, I've got a headache, I'm your sister..."
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Dear Dr Phil,
I was watching my next door neighbor's wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window.
As I was jerking off I turned to notice my wife was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert or what?

Little Harry peeped his parents having sex, concluded: "and these people forbid me to pick my nose!"