I get a call at work a few minutes ago, and it's my wife. She was calling to tell me that she just got a call at work, and it was my mistress who called. Thankfully, I didn't have to worry since I don't have one of those, so I just told her Happy April Fool's Day.

"Dammit woman, couldn't you be more specific? Which one?"

Guy told me once that an irate husband had called and told him if he didn't stay away from his wife he was gonna kill him.

I told him to just stay away from his wife.

"That's the problem, he didn't tell me who he was!"