Sailor just ashore after a long voyage enters a bar. Sees an empty stool next to a cute young miss, and sits down there.

Isn't there more than 15 seconds 'til he pushes his sleeve up, checks his watch, puts his ear down to it, and listens intently. Repeats that action ever minute or two for 15 minutes.

Finally, the young lady can take it no longer. She says, "Hey, Mister...what the heck are you doing? There's a clock just over the bar mirror there, and geez, you've looked at your watch at least 10 times in the last 15 minutes."

Sailor, "I'm not looking at the time, I'm checkin' my magic watch."

She, "Magic watch? Gimmee a break. What's so blamed magic about it?"

He..."It tells me stuff I need to know to best make my way in the world. It knows things that will make me happy, and tells me about them so I can take advantage of them".

She: "Right! and I'm Princess Diana! So what is it that your watch tells you, anyway?"

He: Well, for instance, it just said to me that YOU aren't wearing any panties....which I find pretty interesting."

She, irately: "Well your damned watch is WRONG!. Just plain wrong! Your watch is a fraud, and so are you, I'd bet!"

He, looking at the clock over the bar, then again at his watch..."Dang, forgot to re-set it when we pulled into port this morning. It's an hour early!"

H