Priest's Retirement Speech:

You don't need to be Catholic and go to Confession to appreciate this story.
Make sure you "Live by the last line!!!"

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.
A leading local figure and member of the congregation was chosen to make the
presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:

I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I
thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.
The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a
television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it.
He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair
with his boss's wife; had sex with his boss's 17-year old daughter on numerous
occasions; taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested
several times for public nudity and gave a STD (sexual transmitted disease) to
his sister-in-law.
I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things. But as the days
went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come
to a fine parish full of good and loving people.
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being
late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived, said the politician. In fact,
I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.
Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late.

Great One!!

Got a true story here. From me. In 1988 I built all the ductwork for the Gatesville prison system. Bottom line was I did'nt get paid to the tune of 5K.Anyway the point of this story was that guy who screwed me died + the preacher told a "joke" over his graveside. Here we go: Seems in a small southern town there were 2 brothers who dealt in anything deplorabile (child porno/heroin in grade school,etc.you get the pic.)Now one brother dies + the other hires the priest to deliver the eulogy,who will do it for $1000.00.The only caveat is that somewhere in the service he has to claim his brother was a saint.The minister then procedes to raise hell in the cemetary + telling what a low life that person was but concluded "But next to his brother.he was a real saint". You know,that was almost worth 5K.

Hmmm. Who said "the truth shall set you free"?
Peter