For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity, as well as the idiosyncrasies of the English language:

1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila...... Floor.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

4. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self- help section?" she said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

7. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

9. Is there another word for synonym?

10. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

11. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

12. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

13. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

14. Why do they lock gas station toilets? Are they afraid someone will break-in and clean them?

15. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

16. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

17. If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

18. Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?

19. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

20. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

21. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

22. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra? (this one took me a minute)

23. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

24. How is it possible to have a civil war?

25. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

26. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

27. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

28. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?

29. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

30. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

31. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

32. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

33. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god?

34. Why do shops have signs, 'guide dogs only', the dogs can't read and their owners are blind?

In regards to #14. Years ago when I was in my early 20's I worked at a gas station that still gave full service (remember that? we actually came out + pumped your gas,checked under the hood,tire pressure,etc.)I worked the midnight shift,the only station open between Waco + Austin on I35. I am working the pumps,minor mechanical problems + letting someone use the rest room.One night I gave the key to this rich looking woman (drunk as Cooter Brown) from a Cadillac full of other rich people.Directly she comes back to me + am waiting on several persons at the same time + she says "I'm sorry,I made a mess in your bathroom." I said,Forget it. She says,"No really,its bad.I'd like to give you a dollar to help make up for it."Brother,even back then a dollar was'nt enough.Well we all know that no woman ever sits down on a public toilet seat;she did'nt either. But because she was 3 sheets to the wind she toppled forward while projectile shitting along the wall + ceiling until she voided.That was a night to remember though not fondly.Cleaning up that mess + trying to work the pumps at the same time with angry women needing to use the can.Almost funny now 40+ years past but still not really.After cleaning the restrooms of the station I came to realize that women were way more nasty than men.They would bring in their children + have them shit on the floor while they were using the throne.The recurrent theme was how so many of them wrote on the wall with a bloody kotex.You know,no guy I know would ever have even thought of doing that.

#3 Not everything evolves.
#9 Equivalent, copy, replica, paraphrase, analogue, poecilonym and metonym for example.
#10 No, they will steal the toilet paper.
#17 Indeed they do.
#18 For the blind passengers.
#33 I have it.
#34 Not all guide dog owners are blind.

The comedy dies when dissected doesn't it?