Contractor:A gambler who never gets to shuffle,cut,or deal.
Bid Opening:A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Bid:A wild guess carried out in two decimal places.
Low Bidder:A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
Engineers Estimate:The known cost of constuction in heaven.
Bonding Company:A required player in the game.Win,lose or draw,the bonding company still gets paid,but if the contractor loses the company quits playing with him.REMEMBER,the bonding company is a REQUIRED player!
Project Manager:The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path Method:A management technique for losing your ass under perfect control.
O.S.H.A.:A protective coating made by half baking a mixture of fine print,red tape,split hairs,+ baloney usually applied at random with a shotgun.
Strike:An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed Payment:A tourniquet applied to the hing pocket.
Completion Date:The point at which liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated damages:A penalty for failing to acheive the impossible.
Auditor:People who go in after the war is lost + bayonet the wounded.
Lawyer:People who go in after the auditors + strip the bodies.

Design Engineer: Somebody that knows how to cut and paste anything in AutoCad, but wouldn't know what a pipe threader looks like, because they built everything out of mud and sticks back in his native country.

PS: We had an auditor make 5 long distance phone calls, to get a $.65 correction on a $600,000+ payment.

quote:

Originally posted by xs headspace:
Design Engineer: Somebody that knows how to cut and paste anything in AutoCad, but wouldn't know what a pipe threader looks like, because they built everything out of mud and sticks back in his native country.

PS: We had an auditor make 5 long distance phone calls, to get a $.65 correction on a $600,000+ payment.

I would be rolling on the floor if it weren't so true...

Ken....