15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping - with
your Oldsmobile.
---------
14 - Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a
safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.
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13 - Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.
------
12 - Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on
the Stoli.
------
11 - For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball
goal.
------
10 - Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of
Aunt Bea's pancakes.
------
9 - For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought
the automobile.
------
8 - You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra
Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.
------
7 - Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.
------
6 - Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver
in the shape of a bottle.
------
5 - Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, "Hey, it's
Vomit Man!"
------
4 - The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how long it'll take
you to find your pants.
------
3 - Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity
into a pan of frying onions.
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2 - Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned
the goat.
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1 - You're now sober enough to realize "Drink Canada Dry" is a
slogan and not a personal challenge.