A guy spends a lot of time at the local pub and generally shows up at home drunk. His wife finally has had enough and reads him the riot act, saying if it happens one more time she is going to divorce him.

The guy stays on the straight and narrow for a couple of weeks but then ends up meeting a buddy down at the pub and proceeds to get so drunk that he throws up on his shirt.

Realizing the trouble he's going to be in he explains the situation with his wife to his buddy.

His buddy says "Don't worry, all you have to do is put a $20 bill in your shirt pocket and when your wife asks why you vomited on your shirt, you simply tell her it wasn't you, but some drunk at the bar who gave you the $20 to have your shirt dry cleaned"

The guy thinks this is an excellent idea so heads home with the $20 bill in his shirt pocket. When he walks through the door his wife is livid and then he gives the explanation his buddy told him to.

The wife then asks "So why do you have two twenty dollar bills in your pocket?"

Thinking quickly the guy says "Oh, the other $20 is from the guy who shat in my pants"

Oh well.now all he has to worry about is the divorce settlement.