Women's English
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later.
"We need to talk" = I need to complain.
"Sure ... go ahead" = I don't want you to.
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs.
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
"I heard a noise" =I noticed you were almost asleep.
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're not going to really like
"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me.
"Are you listening to me?" = [Too late, you're dead.]

Men's English
"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired" = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage" = I want to fondle you
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you" = Let's have sex now
"I love you too" = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
"Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys