ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM VARIOUS CHURCH BULLETINS AND NEWSLETTERS
> >
> > 1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

> > 2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national Prayer & Fasting Conference: The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."

> > 3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

> 4. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

> > 5. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

> > 6. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

> > 7. Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.

> > 8. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

> > 9. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

> > 10. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

> > 11. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

> > 12. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

> > 13. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

> > 14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

> > 15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

> > 16. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

> > 17. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

> > 18. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

> > 19. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

> > 20. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility.

> > 21. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM � prayer and medication to follow.

> > 22. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

> > 23. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

> > 24. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

> > 25. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

> > 26. (My Favorite) Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

> > 27. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

> > 28. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.



R-WEST