This will warm your heart. Just when you have lost faith in human
kindness. For those who have worked with seniors or have elderly
family, you will relate:

Someone who teaches at a middle school in Safety Harbour, Florida,
forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's
office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old
lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing
to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to
anyone you know who might need a lift today.

"Dear Safety Harbour Middle School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior
citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbour
Assisted Living Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I
am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me.
God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My room mate is
95 and has always had! her own radio, but before I received one, she
would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other
day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces.
It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to
mine, and I told her to kiss my ass. Thank you for that opportunity.



In General...

1. Never take a beer to an interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a
U-haul to the funeral.

Dining Out

1. When decanting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup
and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.

Entertaining in your home

1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.



Personal Hygiene

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one's own truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.
3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as
they tend to distract from a woman's jewellery, and alter the taste of
finger foods.

Dating (outside the family)

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out
with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is
the gentleman's responsibility to get her to school on time.

Theatre Etiquette

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen.
Tests have proven that they can't hear you.

Weddings

1. Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean
bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Driving Etiquette

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is
loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle
with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do not lay rubber while travelling in a funeral procession.