This guy's out for a jog along a beach on a windy day. As he's jogging, he sees another guy walking towards him with a cigarette in his mouth and a bottle under his left arm, but the most remarkable thing about him was he was trying to light his cigarette with this enormous, 12" long bic lighter, and he's having some trouble because of the wind.

So as he gets closer he greets the guy and asks if he can give him a hand since he's having so much trouble.

Sure, the second guy replies, you can hold this bottle for me so I can try to get this cigarette lit. The first guy agrees, and the guy lights his cigarette.

Afterwards, he tells the guy - You know, I couldn't help but notice you have the biggest lighter I think I've ever seen.

Yeah, the second guy replies, it's a real trip ain't it. I got it from the genie in the bottle you're holding there.

Wait, you mean this is a genie bottle?

It sure is, the second guy answered. Go ahead - give it a rub. A genie will come out and grant you one wish. I've already used mine so it's no use to me now anyway.

So the first guy decided to give it a try and rubbed the bottle. Sure enough, this thick green fog of smoke coalesced out of the bottle, and a huge genie appeared on the beach.

Hello fine master, the genie intoned - for summoning me forth, I shall grant you one wish - anything you want, just speak it.

Wow, the guy said, and without any hesitation replied, Genie, I wish for a million bucks.

The genie nodded and said, It is done. Then vanished in a puff of smoke.

The two guys looked at each other for a couple of seconds, then noticed that the horizon was beginning to get dark. Soon, a black shape could be made out in the sky moving quickly towards the two men. As they watched in wonder, they could make out that the darkness wasn't solid, but lots of smaller parts, and soon, they could make out thousands upon thousands of ducks flapping across the sky.

As the ducks flew by them and landed not far off on the beach, the first guy looks back at the second guy and asks him, Hey, what gives?

The second guy just shrugged and said, Oh, I forgot to mention but the genie is a little hard of hearing. Do you really think I wished for a 12" bic.

This guy's out digging around in his backyard and comes across an old oil-lamp looking thing. It's all tarnished and dirty so he takes it inside to clean it up a bit.

As he's cleaning the lamp, a genie appears and says that for freeing him, he'll grant the guy any wish he wants.

The guy thinks for a minute, and then says that he's always wanted to visit Hawaii, but he's afraid to fly and he gets terribly sea-sick on a boat, so could the genie please build him a bridge from California to Hawaii so he can drive to Hawaii and finally get to see it.

The genie stops the guy and says that's just too much, and tells the guy about all the concrete and rebar it would take, not to mention the water pressure at those depths and continual shifting of the ocean floor in that area, and just the sheer distance and scope involved, and gas stations for vehicles to refuel every so often, and just on the whole it was just too phenominally massive of an undertaking and there was just no way possible the genie could create such a bridge.

So the genie asks the guy if he has anything else he's ever wanted?

The guy thinks another minute and then his face lights up - well yeah come to think of it, there is something else I've always wanted. My wife and I can never seem to understand one another. I don't know why she gets these moods, or what's going on in her head when she decides to do something or comes up with some of her ideas, or just in general, how she sees things, so I guess my other wish would be, I'd like to understand women.

The genie looks at the guy then asks: Do you want that bridge 2 lane or 4 lane?

This guy walks into a bar with an ostrich following him. He sits down and orders a beer and a water for his ostrich.

This is an experienced bartender, and he takes things in stride, so he hands the guy a beer and a water, then says, that'll be $1.62.

The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out $1.62 exactly and hands it to the bartender.

This goes on for a couple weeks with the guy coming into the bar every afternoon and ordering a drink for him and a water for his ostrich, and every single day the guy pulls the exact change out of his pocket - no matter what he orders.

The bartender is just amazed at this, but doesn't say anything.

Then one day, the bartender finds himself in line behind the guy and his ostrich at a local grocery store. Sure enough, when the guy's tab is rung up at the register, he reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out the exact right amount of money and pays the cashier.

The bartender catches the guy before he gets into to his car and asks him about it.

Hey pal, you've been coming into my bar every day for weeks, and no matter what you order, you always give me the exact right change, and now I just saw you do it here too with your groceries, how do you do it? It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

Well, the guy replies, it all happened a few years ago. I found this genie bottle and the genie granted me two wishes. I thought about it and I decided I could wish for lots of money, but then I'd have to find somewhere to put it, or worry about losing it or people stealing it and the like, or it just not being enough and then I'd run out, so instead, I just wished that anytime in my life when I owed anyone any money or had a bill to pay that I could just reach into my pocket and always have exactly what I needed waiting for me.

Wow, that's pretty smart the bartender admitted. That's one of the smartest ways of looking at it I think I've ever seen.

Then the bartender asked the guy - so, what's with the ostrich if you don't mind my asking.

Oh, the guy replied, somewhat downtrodden. That was my second wish, but I guess I wasn't specific enough with the genie.

Why? What'd you wish for, the bartender asked.

Oh, I just asked the genie for a chick with long legs that would follow me everywhere.