I Owe My Mother .....

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM..
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10.My mother taught me about STAMINA ..
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11.My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12.My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13.My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15.My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16.My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17.My mother taught me about RECEIVING*.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18.My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19.My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21.My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23.My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24.My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:

25.My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
* "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"*

Only you folks my age understand these profound statements!!!
But, there is one missing from this list~~My personal all-time favorite!!

My mother taught me about CHOICE.

"Do you want me to stop this car?"

Don't we all. And, Yes, I did hear several of these.
Good post and Happy New Year!

Nitro,

My short term memory might be failing but my long term memory is doing just fine. Thanks for taking me for a trip down Memory Lane. These are classics that I heard many, many times.

SUPER!!.....thanks.

When we were kids at the dinner table, amd my younger brother (the brilliant son) refused to eat....our mother warned him of "the millions of people starving in China".....to which my brother replied: "Oh yeah?!...Name THREE"!!
...true story....

I remember them all by my mother and the consiquences if they were not adhered to, yeah man.

Great Post.

quote:

Originally posted by conifer:
SUPER!!.....thanks.

When we were kids at the dinner table, amd my younger brother (the brilliant son) refused to eat....our mother warned him of "the millions of people starving in China".....to which my brother replied: "Oh yeah?!...Name THREE"!!
...true story....

Had I said anything like that to my mother, she would have looked at my father and said: "Horace, are you gonna let him sit there and talk to me like that?" After that, things would get a bit rough. I think my folks invented child abuse but back then they called it "keeping a firm hand" on your children and parents were applauded for it.

quote:

Originally posted by wasbeeman:

quote:

Originally posted by conifer:
SUPER!!.....thanks.

When we were kids at the dinner table, amd my younger brother (the brilliant son) refused to eat....our mother warned him of "the millions of people starving in China".....to which my brother replied: "Oh yeah?!...Name THREE"!!
...true story....

Had I said anything like that to my mother, she would have looked at my father and said: "Horace, are you gonna let him sit there and talk to me like that?" After that, things would get a bit rough. I think my folks invented child abuse but back then they called it "keeping a firm hand" on your children and parents were applauded for it.

Much needed today...the first thing I thought when I read that was, "I wonder if he is still living?"

What's sad, is that my mother still uses many of these on me even today. All I can do is nod and say, "Yes ma'am."

My wife and I had lunch yesterday at fairly nice local restaraunt. The whole time we were there, the young lady sitting across from our booth, let her little boy run amok getting in the way of the staff, and bugging customers, jumping around, up and down some steps, climbing into, and out of empty booths, etc. All I could think of was how that would, SO not happen when I was little...

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.

-Lars/Finland

Very funny indeed;I do believe I've heard them all.

My mother gave me the three million kids starving talk at which I replied,perhaps we could box it up,(spinach)and send it to them.After a pretty good spanking,(they didn't beleive in timeouts then)She asked me what I thought of that? My not too well thought out reply,I liked the beat but it is hard to dance to.My sisters still laugh about that and that was 40 years ago.

too funny justbri1975. Told a nun pretty much the same thing about mailing it to them -- wasn't as quick as you about the beat and dancing though.

No "spankings", no time outs. My dad would say, "we're going for a walk". Those words alone would suck my scrotum out of sight. What he meant was we were going to the back yard and he would grab my arm with one hand and whatever board or lath or stick of stove wood that was handy with the other and he would then start beating on me as I yelled and danced around and around with him as the pivot. This would go on until he got tired or whatever he was beating me with was worn down to the point of ineffectiveness.

quote:

Originally posted by wasbeeman:
No "spankings", no time outs. My dad would say, "we're going for a walk". Those words alone would suck my scrotum out of sight. What he meant was we were going to the back yard and he would grab my arm with one hand and whatever board or lath or stick of stove wood that was handy with the other and he would then start beating on me as I yelled and danced around and around with him as the pivot. This would go on until he got tired or whatever he was beating me with was worn down to the point of ineffectiveness.

This was always called, "the circle dance"!

Did you ever wonder how eating all those nasty vegetables helped a kid from starving in China??