Officer stops a vehicle and walks over.
Looks the young man straight into his bloodshot eyes and says: How high are you?

Young man replies: No officer it's: Hi, how are you!

Officer walks up to the car and says
"Your eyes are red, are you high?"
Driver says
"Your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?"

Hah. Both very funny.

True story here; my step sister who is a postal carrier in Killeen was stopped by the cops + with her attitude, the 1st thing out of her mouth was. "Ain't you guys supposed to be in a doughnut shop!?" She figured WTF, they were gonna give me a ticket anyway so I might as well speak my mind!

quote:

Originally posted by NormanConquest:
True story here; my step sister who is a postal carrier in Killeen was stopped by the cops + with her attitude, the 1st thing out of her mouth was. "Ain't you guys supposed to be in a doughnut shop!?" She figured WTF, they were gonna give me a ticket anyway so I might as well speak my mind!

A lot of citations have been issue because of bad attitude.

Not that they had not broke the law. But they were in the officers warning area.

Where as they might have just drove away with a warning.

Case in point. The six months before I retired I was giving happy retirement warnings.

Some at very high speeds.

About a month before I pulled the pin. I stopped a vehicle doing 96mph on a two lane 55mph road.

I was all ready to give a happy retirement warning.

A 19yoa male driver. The first words were What the F--k are you stopping me for, You can't give me a F--king ticket, I wasn't f\F--king speeding ect ect.

About every other word was the F word.

He had a very long traffic record.

He drove away with a very expensive citation and the lost of his lic.

If the p dog shooter's driver was colored, a serious "I didn't stop you for speeding man". I was hoping you could sell me some watermelon fool.

Around here reminds me of a hunk of coal in a snow storm.

All in jest on my end. Some of my favorite people in life were black people. But, I only met or worked with a few dozen.
Send more cop jokes please.

True story; my friend Wes was driving in Colorado + got pulled over for speeding + the trooper told him if he didn't want a ticket then tell him an excuse he had not heard before. Wes thought for a moment then said, "My wife just called + said if I wasn't home in 15 minutes, she was fucking someone else." He let him go.

Wes was charmed that way in that if I said what he did, I would be under the jail. Once when he + Bud went out drinking after work they got pulled over. Bud was driving + drunk as Cooter Brown but Wes was sleeping in the passenger seat. Well. this was in the 70's so DWI's were not what they are now. Well, they had Bud dancing a jig on the side of the road, one foot then another, etc. The other troper was trying to wake Wes up behind his passenger locked door by tapping on the glass. Wes thought they were home + it was Bud tapping the glass + went off, "F.U.M.F., etc. then finally opened one eye + saw the cop standing there + rolled down his window. The trooper asked Wes if he was drunk, + I shit you not, this was his reply,"Why you G.D. stupid S.O.B., what the hell if I am? Are you gonna arrest me for sleeping while intoxicated?!" They let them go, like I said, DWI's in the 70's were different than now.

True story. Downtown Austin during the 80's. All under construction. I turned the wrong way on a one-way street. Realized it instantly and did an illegal u-turn to try to rectify the situation. Was pulled over by a Black woman cop. We got along real well until a young white cop showed up. I'd had a couple but wasn't drunk, in my estimation. They confabbed and decided that if my passenger could pass the sobriety test, they'd let us go. They decided to conduct this test on a sidewalk in downtown Austin and if any of you remember the 80's in downtown Austin, the sidewalks were pretty broken up and uneven. So my passenger was too vain to wear glasses and tripped on the uneven sidewalk, and fell flat on their face.

White cop wanted to arrest me. Black cop said it was her collar and let us go.

You lucked out on that one. I had a friend that in the early 90s hit + killed a pedestrian on 6th st. My buddy had had just one beer so really wasn't drunk, but that doesn't matter. Some drunk on the sidewalk stepped out in front of his truck + Bill hit him.
It was the drunk's fault but not when you get all those MADD mothers in the courtroom; they just want to see any accused fry. He got 2 years in Huntsville.

DWIs are big money makers for the counties. A few years ago my wife was stopped + arrested for a DWI. She does not drink + had had nothing but was arrested anyway + taken to Williamson Co. + had blood drawn. Funny that Willco then 'lost' her blood sample, so when she went to court the judge said, "Well the officer said you looked drunk so that's what I'm charging you with + if you contest my ruling, I will give you a year in county." I sat in that court room + heard that woman judge say that; that was not secondary gossip, I heard it. $30K later + $10K for an attorney that was useless as tits on a nun, I have serious doubts on our JUSTICE system.

I NEVER, NEVER drink and drive! I always pull over to the side of the road, take a few swigs the continue on my way! I ALWAYS make sure that I signal!

Hip

O.K. One more. Wes's dad Dee was a force to be reconded with. When he was in San Angelo he was pulled over (he WAS drunk) but when he got out of his car into the police headlights, he cracked a pint bottle of whiskey + downed the whole thing (I coundn't do that) right there in front of the police cameras. Well, they could prove a P.I. but not a DWI.

We had have chem test experts that would and could testify. To the blood alcohol amount before and after his drinking the pint.


Sorry such didn't fly in Wisconsin.

Wish my local PD had that much interest in the best LE techniques P dog. I waited 4 months for the STATE blood results of the drop of blood on the floor of my window smashed burglarized rare coin shop. Came back inconclusive. Too cheap to send it to a private lab. After 3 hits and no suspect(s) it was time to retire.
Be well.

quote:

Originally posted by NormanConquest:
DWIs are big money makers for the counties. A few years ago my wife was stopped + arrested for a DWI. She does not drink + had had nothing but was arrested anyway + taken to Williamson Co. + had blood drawn. Funny that Willco then 'lost' her blood sample, so when she went to court the judge said, "Well the officer said you looked drunk so that's what I'm charging you with + if you contest my ruling, I will give you a year in county." I sat in that court room + heard that woman judge say that; that was not secondary gossip, I heard it. $30K later + $10K for an attorney that was useless as tits on a nun, I have serious doubts on our JUSTICE system.

Wow!
I thought the law in the US was innocent until proven otherwise?

Well the limit on the amount of alcohol is a presumption of quilt.

One can be convicted of operating under the influence.

If their driving behavior warrants it and they have some level of intoxicant in their system.

Because DWI does not only deal with alcohol but with drugs also.

A drivers behavior with drugs' is far more important in those cases then the amount in their system.

Because we do not have a standard about of intoxicant for drug use.