NUMBER 1:
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial.

The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility.....

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No, sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'
Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes, sir, I do.'
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes, sir.'
Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

NUMBER 2:
Now We Know Why He Was a General -----
In an interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.

The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."

NUMBER 3:
Dana Perino (FOX News) describing an interview she recently had with a Navy SEAL. After discussing all the countries that he had been sent to, she asked if they had to learn several languages?

"Oh, no ma'am. We don't go there to talk."

NUMBER 4:
Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai .

Iranian Air Defense Site: 'Unknown aircraft, you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'

Air Defense Site: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace, we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 Fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'

Air Defense Site: (... Total silence)

If these are not true…..they outta be!
Cal

X2

Also attributed to Stormin' Norman, iirc.

At a NATO meeting a French General complained, "why should we all have to learn to speak English, you are in our country...?"

Norm's response "because if it were not for the US, you would all be speaking German..."

I knew a waitress once that was quick on the uptake.One of the guys asked her "Baby,why don't you let me slip you 9") She replied,"I'm tempted but I don't think you could get it up 3 times."Another when we stopped off at the coffee shop on our way to the job,the crew boss(basting in his own glory) after tasting his coffee gave the old/yawn statement."Boy that's sweet,what did you do;stick your finger in it?" She comes back immediately,"Sure did,then I stirred your coffee." I must say that she got tips at breakfast which is almost unheard of but during happy hour,she made a ton. She could see across the dance floor when the 'sweat bubbles' on the beer can were running low. She would be there with a fresh beer before the guy even knew he wanted one.

quote:

,"Sure did,then I stirred your coffee."

That's Funny!