JUST WANTED TO LET YOU GUYS KNOW HOW THINGS WENT

During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.
I described a typical day this way:
"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 Miles through some pretty rough terrain.
I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes, eyes and hair.
I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills.
I took a few leaks behind some big trees.
The mental stress of it all left me shattered.
At the end of it all I drank eight Scotches on the rocks.

Inspired by the story, the doctor said,
"You must be one hell of an outdoors man!"

"No," I replied, "I'm just a shitty golfer".