President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administration foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the Devil. He checked out all of the paperwork, called the Pearly Gates admitting office, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem.

The next day the Pope was called in, the Devil said his good-bye, and he began his journey to heaven. Along the way, he met Clinton, who was on his way down. They stopped to chat.

The Pope said, "Sorry about the mix-up. By the time you get to hell, it's really too late to save any souls."

Clinton replied, "No problem. I'm sure I'll be with more familiar company down below, anyway."

The Pope continued, "Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven."

"Why's that?" Clinton asked.

"All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary," the Pope replied.

"Oh," said Clinton. "I'm afraid you're a day late."

The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage at an Anglican and Catholic commemoration of the Anglo-Irish accords - the crowd is huge - thousands. Her Majesty and His Holiness can't help but have a little rivalry - both being heads of churches and all.

The Queen says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?" He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd.

Gradually, the cheering subsides. The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a worse frock and hat than he, considers what he could do. So the Pope says to the Queen,"Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with one little wave of MY hand I can make every Irish person in the crowd go crazy with joy? Their joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will speak forever of this day and rejoice - they will recount it to their grandchildren and they to their descendants.

The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so.
"One little wave of your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.

Of course .We all know what Liz gave Charlie &Carmila. For a wedding prezie...A Black car & two tickets to Paris

and a twenty five pound bag of kibble

The seven dwarfs are in Rome and they go on a tour of the city. After a while they go to the Vatican and Grumpy gets to meet the Pope privately.

Grumpy, for once, seems to have a lot to say. He keeps asking the pontiff questions about the church, and in particular, nuns.

"Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?"

"No, my son, all our sons are at least 5 feet tall."

"Are you sure? I mean, you wouldn't have any nuns that are, say, about my height? Maybe a little shorter?"

"I'm afraid not. Why do you ask?"

"No reason." Pause.

"Positive? Nobody in a habit that's about 3 feet tall, 2 feet tall?"

"I'm sure."

"Okay."

Grumpy looks dejected at this news, and the Pope wonders why. So he listens to the dwarfs as they leave the building.

"What'd he say? What'd he say?" chant the other six.

Grumpy says: "He said they don't have any."

And the other six start chanting: "Grumpy fucked a penguin! Grumpy fucked a penguin! Grumpy fucked a penguin!"…

quote:

And the other six start chanting: "Grumpy fucked a penguin! Grumpy fucked a penguin! Grumpy fucked a penguin!"…

Karl Rahner, Hans Kung and Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger all die on the same day, and go to meet St. Peter to know their fate.

St. Peter approaches the three of them, and tells them that he will interview each of them to discuss their views on various issues.

He then points at Rahner and says "Karl! In my office..." After 4 hours, the door opens, and Rahner comes stumbling out of St. Peter's office. He is highly distraught, and is mumbling things like "Oh God, that was the hardest thing I've ever done! How could I have been so wrong! So sorry...never knew..." He stumbles off into Heaven, a testament to the mercy of Our God.

St. Peter follows him out, and sticks his finger in Kung's direction and "Hans! You're next..." After 8 hours, the door opens, and Kung comes out, barely able to stand. He is near collapse with weakness and a crushed spirit. He , too, is mumbling things like "Oh God, that was the hardest thing I've ever done! How could I have been so wrong! So sorry...never knew..." He stumbles off into Heaven, a testament to the mercy of Our God.

Lastly, St. Peter, emerging from his office, says to Cardinal Ratzinger, "Joseph, your turn." TWELVE HOURS LATER, St. Peter stumbles out the door, apparently exhausted, saying "Oh God, that's the hardest thing I've ever done..."