1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my
>own pants.
>
>2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
>
>3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said
>"Implants?" She hit me.
>
>4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
>
>5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
>
>6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
>
>7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a
>moaner.
>
>8. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
>elected.
>
>9. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50
> for Miss America?
>
>10. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
> section in a swimming pool?
>
>11. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled
>
>12. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
> "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
>

I like the last one, I have a friend that is a firm believer that if she is in a bar and is willing to go home with you then she isn't the type of girl you want.

I'd settle :-)

Red