In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was
sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming
his replacement, and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber
sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must
meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man. God, he's really the strength of
this post; his talent and energy are simply boundless."

Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to
meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a
particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.

The retiring colonel barks: "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about
yourself." Smithers responds, "Well, sir, I graduated with honors from
Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after 3
expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in
equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of
the Olympics. I have researched the history of....."

Here the colonel interrupted, and said. "Yes, yes; never mind all of that Smithers. Your
new CO can find all that in your file; tell him about the day you called
the witch doctor a motherfucker."

Funny every time I read that joke.