Real 911 Calls, believe it or not

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from
the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite
out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it
on the kitchen table and when I came back from the
bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm
sick and tired of it.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police
assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell
me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. Fire or emergency?
Called: Fire, I guess.
Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?
Caller: I was wondering.....does the Fire Dept. put
snow chains on their trucks?
Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?
Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to
put these chains on my tires and....well.... do you
think the Fire Dept. could come over and help me?
Dispatcher: Help you what?
Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your
emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone
doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven
are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your
emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are
only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all
out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you
an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started
having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.

Plinker603

Good one.