A letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (Eromanga is a small town west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland)

Dear Mum & Dad,
I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone!

I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But Ilike sleeping in now, cuz all you gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!!

Blokes haz gotta shave though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing! At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon, and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and its not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - its a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges - they comes in little boxes and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.

Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pickhandles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer. I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter, Jill

An oldie, but always a goodie!


Don't laugh, I think I may have gone out on the booze with this girl, you should see how she opens the bottles of beer!


Cheers, Dave.

Sambar

Was once in a pub up in Darwin, think l might have seen her sat at the bar

Regards.

Dave.
....

Dave 2431:

To this old Irishman who knows how Aussies fought in real wars, I saw nothing funny about her letter. Isn't that the Aussie infantry? I'm only happy that we "Yanks" never got into a war with Australia (besides those barroom fights where Aussies always ganged up)

gerry375, nope, no women in the infantry, yet. All those barroom fights are all just good clean fun. Besides, everytime you guys come over here and start drinking our beer, you start to fall off your barstools. No wonder you think we were ganging up, you were probably seeing double.
I've worked on Ops with some girls that make this one look like a wuss! One in particular, was State champion powerlifter 3 years running in her weight class. Her party trick was tearing packs of playing cards in half, still in the box. Or the kickboxer, who brought a whole new meaning to the phrase "you hit like a girl!"
Our strength is that we can laugh at ourselves.

Cheers, Dave.

I THINK I MARRIED HER

Sambar 9.3

I do have to admit that a lot of our guys think they can drink anyone under the table - and learn to their sorrow that there are some real hard heads out there -that ain't American! (Never had the pleasure(?) of hoisting a few with Aussies but did have an uncle who served next to Aussies in WW1 (in a British unit, OK!OK! It was a Guards Regiment and, yeah, he was Irish)) and told the family "horror" stories about Aussies! How the heck did you guys ever get sober enough to handle a weapon? There must be something really wrong with me in my old age - I would rather have an Aussie alongside me in a tough fight than almost anyone else I can think of!

Gerry, who said we were sober? We all just aim for the bad guy in the middle.

Cheers, Dave.
Non Illegitium Carborundum

Can the Ausies drink beer, I had 3 Oz hunters last year, they could handle their beers and we had lots of fun, saw no bar fights, just empty cans,

Sambar9.3

Now - I have another quarrel to pick with you guys. You never were taught proper Latin! It's "Illigitemi non carborundum est" and since I'm talking to an illiterate Aussie, I'll translate: "Don't let the bastards grind you down". ( I enjoy so much (as a coward in my old age) being able to insult Aussies from 12,000 miles away because of the miracle of the internet and don't have to say it face to face as we have a few) Regards.

Yes gerry, I know my Latin is terrible. I did just enough to be able to study medicine, that's all.
Stircus fluens!

Cheers, Dave.

Dave:

I always knew the Aussies were a sneaky lot! I decided to use "Google" and find out what the heck " Stircus Fluens" meant (in order, of course, to prepare a devastating response) I was directed to a totally Latin site. (OK! OK! I never took Latin because I was allowed in Freshman year of High School to substitute a modern language. {My father who actually studied both Latin and classical Greek in grammar school always said I was uneducated) I cede the game to you! Regards and Happy New year.

No gerry, we'll call it a draw! I really should have known about 'est', but figured that most people could figure out 'Non Illegitium Carborundum' without the benifit of Latin, and despite (or perhaps because of) the incorrect structure.

And a Happy New Year to you too!

Cheers, Dave.

Dave:

I have to own up to something even more shameful about my ignorance of Latin. I knew the phrase we have been discussing -simply because I read it years ago -and it stuck in my memory.

I became a trial lawyer (barrister, down your way?) - and was often exposed to some judge's clerk showing off his Latin by using a Latin phras in a written opinion -which always sent me to the books.

BTW, we saw a beautiful display of fireworks in Sydney up here on TV celebrating the New Year. I mean that. It was really spectacular. I have watched fireworks often in my life but this was not only spectacular but also beautiful. You can tell Aussies that we Americans were very impressed and awed. ( You damn Aussies - always trying to get ahead of us Yanks!)

Regards

Ok, Gerry, here's an easy one for you, and it is quite appropriate considering the amount of boozing that goes on at this time of year.
'In Vino Veritas'.

Happy New Year.

Cheers, Dave.

Dave:

That last post really hurt!