Church: A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon! . Damned good!"

The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity."

The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!"

The preacher said, "No $hit!"