This joke is part of my public mission in showing that we Yanks (as the Aussies call us) have to be aware that Aussies tell very vulgar jokes that no gentleman should ever listen to, much less laugh at, in polite company. (The fact that I laughed is, of course, immaterial) The joke is repeated verbatim from an Aussie website, slang language and all - but I have the feeling that American guys will have no trouble in following the joke.


An Australian woman was taking a shower when, suddenly she landed doing an actual "split" on the floor. (just like the ballerinas)

She called out for her husband:" "Jacko! Jacko!. He came running.

" Jacko, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor!", she said.

"Strewth", Jacko said and tried to lift her up.

Jacko says: " You're just too heavy, girl. I'll go across the road and get Bluey (his mate).

Jacko and Bluey try to lift her up. They can't do it.

Bluey says: "Let's try Plan C"

Jacko says: " Plan C? What's that?"

Bluey says: " I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and break the bathroom tiles under her".

"Spot on!" says Jacko. "While you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her tits".

Bluey says:" PLay with her tits?. Why the hell would you want to do that at a time like this?'

Jacko replies: " Well, I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive".

I'm shocked! Obviously, this is some sort of vile disinformation plan by Gerry to discredit and dehumanize Australians, in the eyes of the world.

Excuse my while I steal this joke.

Careful, slippery when wet