This is old + I posted it before but it's been a while. Someone new might find it funny. "You heard about the newlyweds that did'nt know the difference between vasaline + putty?... Their windows fell out."

There once was a couple named Kelly
who now walk belly to belly
because in their haste
they used library paste
instead of petroleum jelly

There once was a hermit named Dave,who kept a dead whore in his cave,he said I admit I'm a bit of a shit,but look at the money I save.