A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?' "And so, here we are!"

( Sam, just as an idle question - Are you still married?)

That Lads is why truth is stranger than Fiction and far funnier...

quote:

Originally posted by gerrys375:
( Sam, just as an idle question - Are you still married?)

Yep. 21 years. Gerry you're not a divorce lawyer looking to pay for your next trip to Africa are you??

Sam:

I have been retired for some 5 years now and never handled a divorce in some 45 years of practice. I was an insurance company defense lawyer and in my last 25 years or so of practice tried only architect/engineer malpractice cases.(before that, personal injury cases) I want you to know that your invidious suggestion that I was a divorce lawyer is deeply wounding!

Invidious?? Now you've crossed the line Gerry! No one has EVER called me invidious!!

As a matter of fact I had to go look it up in a dictionary. (admit it the rest of you didn't know what it meant either) After seeing the definitions I realized that most of the comments I've ever made about lawyers were probably invidious My oldest son is a freshman in college and sometimes he talks about law school. If he does, does that mean I can't tell lawyer jokes anymore?

Invidious?? Typical lawyer showing off his superiority over others, in this case his vocabulary! I do like that word though, After having to look it up! derf

Sam:

Your mention of your son restores my faith in the theory of evolution - that we are always getting better!

Derf - The most fatal mistake that a trial man (among ourselves we said "trial man" in my time) can make in front of a jury is to try to act superior. I assumed that people who read this website were too dumb anyway to sit on a jury I have probably used the word in front of a jury because I always knew that what jurors really resented was being talked down to -and believe me, any thinking juror knows when it's being done. A word might spring in to my head as I was speaking and so I would use it. It was better than interrupting my thoughts and stand there groping (as the jury watched) to use some lesser word. (Believe it or not, trial lawyers do not write out their opening remarks nor their summation to a jury. They have notes, of course, but there is no word for word "speech") In context, you knew what the word suggested, didn't you? (Sorry for the "lecture" but your post kind of woke me up about how people can misunderstand. I'm trying to convince you to see the justice of my client's cause. How does showing my "superiority" make you vote in the jury room for my client?)

Heck, the only five dollar work I know is-"declivities" as in "the material of her well worn jeans clung to the declivities of her loins" I must admit that it's my favourite word though.

the chef

To be perfectly honest Gerry, I didn't even notice the word until it was pointed out and then my curiosity kicked in and I had to look it up. I wasn't trying to be insulting either. I guess I should have used a winking smilie.
I have never been called for a jury duty. I am thinking that they must know that I am quite intolerant of criminals and believe in capitol punishment!
I do apologise if you felt slighted or insulted. derf