1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the ms/mrs about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.

Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really Are:

You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it
should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right."

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to potty.

If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!