A mature lady gets
pulled over for speeding. Older Woman:
"Is there a problem,
Officer?" Traffic Cop:
"Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were
speeding." Older Woman: "Oh, I
see."

Traffic Cop:
"Can I see your license please?"
Older Woman: "Well, I would give it
to you but I don't have one." Traffic Cop:
"Don't have one?"
Older Woman: "No. I lost it 4
years ago for drunk driving."
Traffic Cop:
"I see...Can I see your vehicle registration
papers please." Older Woman: "I
can't do that."
Traffic Cop:
"Why not?" Older Woman:
"I stole this car." Traffic Cop:
"Stole it?" Older Woman:
"Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner."
Traffic Cop: "You what!?"
Older Woman: "His body parts are in
plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
them."
The traffic cop looks at
the woman and slowly backs away to his car while
calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars
circle the car. A senior officer slowly
approaches the car, clasping his half
drawn gun.
Officer 2:
"Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!" The woman steps out of her
vehicle. Older woman: "Is there a
problem sir?"
Officer 2:
"My colleague here tells me that you have stolen
this car and murdered the owner."
Older Woman: "Murdered the owner? Are
you serious?!"Officer 2:
"Yes, could you please open the trunk of your
car?" The woman opens the trunk, revealing
nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2:
"Is this your car, ma'am?"
Older Woman: "Yes, here are the
registration papers." The traffic cop is
quite stunned. Officer 2: "My
colleague claims that you do not have a driving
license." The woman digs into her handbag and
pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the
officer. The officer examines the license
quizzically.
Officer 2:
"Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was
told by my officer here that you didn't have
a license, that you stole this car, and that you
murdered and hacked up the owner!"
Older Woman:
"I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was
speeding, too!"

True story

I was operating laser along a 55mph highway I see this Truck speeding towards me I clock his speed at 74mph just as I am thinking about stopping him I see a sports car passing it.

I get a speed of 84 mph on the car and I locked the car's speed in.

After they went by me I pulled out and stopped the sports car diving was an elderly lady.

When I asked her why she was doing 84 mph she stated she had to go that fast that dam truck was doing over 70.

Her age at the time was 84.

she was upset when I handed her, the citation.

Jeff Cooper liked to drive fast.He writes about how one of his students at Gunsite .(
I know that Barrett Tillman was not involved)who was in the Air Force got him some radar scrambling paint for his Mercedes.Great story even if not true.

Geezer in his early 50's has bought a brand new sportscar.
Takes it to the highway and guns it.
Soon he's going 80 and sees red and blue in his rearwiev mirror.
Pedal to the metal and soon he has pulled from the cop.
Then he thinks to himself: Why am i running from the cops? Then pulls over and waits at the curb.

Cop pulls up and goes to talk to the man.
Listen mate, it's friday close to finishing my shift. It's my birthday and i'm having steak + good beer and a good shag later. So if you can give me a really good reason for speeding i'll let you go.

Man: 14 days ago my wife left me for a cop and i thought you were him trying to return her:

Some aircraft drop a bunch of tinsel that looks about like Christmas icicles it is called chaff. The purpose is that enemy radar will lock onto the chaff and shoot it instead of the plane. That perpetuated a rumor back about the 60's that you could put tin foil in your hubcaps and mess up the cops radar. Radar scrambling paint?

Is anyone else pissed off that The Dane said, "Geezer in his early 50s..." I take that shit personal. I guess I'm "dead meat in his early 70s".

quote:

Is anyone else pissed off that The Dane said, "Geezer in his early 50s..." I take that shit personal. I guess I'm "dead meat in his early 70s".

Dead on call.

Had a buddy pulled over in Colorado for speeding + cops asks him if he does'nt want a ticket,tell one reason he's never heard. Wes thinks a minute + says,"My wife just called + said if I'm not home in 15 minutes she's fxxxing somebody else."He did'nt get a ticket.