Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and
getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched.

"STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"

Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.

"OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him.

Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his "You-Know- What" in his hand.

"Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!"

A son placed his father into a nursing home. The next day the father called his son & said, "Son, you were right! I LOVE this place it is so great here. Thank you so much for making the decision!"
"That's swell dad," said the son. "What makes it so great?"
"Well" replied the dad, "Last night I was in my room & from out of nowhere, I got an erection. A nurse came in, saw me & gave me a blowjob! I haven't had one of those in 30 or 40 years!
"That's great dad," said the son.
A few days later the father called his son again & said "You have to get me out of here! I hate this place! I can't live here any more!"
"What's wrong pop?" asked the son.
"Last night I fell down in the hallway. I was getting up & when I was on my hands & knees, a male nurse came along & sodomized me!"
The son said, "Dad, I know that's terrible but you have to understand, sometimes we have to take the good with the bad.
"No son" said the dad. "You don't understand! I get an erection maybe once a year! I fall down two or three times a week!!!!!"