Blonde walked into a hair salon and insisted that the stylist cut around the earphones of her walkman. The stylist did as she asked. About a month later, the blonde returned to have her hair styled again. Again, the stylists was told to cut around her earphones. This happened for months on end. Finally, the hair stylist couldn't contain his curiosity so, while giving the blonde a haircut, he pulled the earphones off. Whereupon the blonde fell to the floor stone dead. The paramedics arrived and took the body away. The hairstylist lifted the earphones to hear what she'd been listening to. He put them on and heard: "Inhale... exhale... inhale... exhale..."
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Why don't blondes go to the bathroom in the morning?

Have you ever tried pulling a grilled cheese sandwich apart!
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Why were blondes made 10% smarter than cows?

So when you pull there tits they don't shit in your face!
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Three blondes were walking along a beach when they found an old oil lamp made of brass. They rubbed it and, lo and behold, a genie appeared.' I am the genie of the lamp. I can give each of you as much intelligence as you desire,' said the genie. 'Oh my' cried the first blonde, 'I guess I would like to be 100 tines smarter than I am now!' ZAP The genie turns her into a brunette. 'Well' said the second blonde, 'I don't think I need to be that smart. I'd like to be 10 times smarter than I am now.' ZAP The genie turns her into a redhead. 'Gee', said the second blonde, 'I think I'm just about okay the way I am now. I get a lot of attention and men really like me. I guess, if anything I'd like to be 10 times dumber than I am now. ZAP The genie turns her into a man.
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in a lift. They notice a puddle of white stuff in the middle of the floor. The brunette bends over and remarks 'It smells like cum', the redhead dabs her finger in it and licks it, 'It smells like cum', the blonde does the same, 'Well, its nobody from our office!'
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Why did the blonde get fired from the M+M's factory?

She kept throwing away all the W's!
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A blonde was tired of hearing blonde jokes and decided to prove people wrong. She spend weeks studying a map of the United States, memorizing all the capitals for all the states. The next time someone started telling a blonde joke she said' 'Hey, not all blonds are thick. I can prove it. Give me the name of any state and I'll tell you it's capital.'
'Vermont,' someone suggested.
'V.'
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How do you change a blondes mind?

Blow into her ear.
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How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?

Stick a tyre pressure gauge in her ear.
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How do you keep a blonde busy all day?

Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
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How do you get a blonde to marry you?

Tell her she's pregnant

What will she ask?

'Is it mine?'
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How can you steal a blondes window seat on a plane?

Tell her that the seats going to New York are in the middle row!
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What's the difference between a brick and a blonde?

When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you round for two weeks whining.
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What do you call a blonde with pigtails?

A blowjob with handle bars.
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How does a blonde commit suicide?

Gathers all her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
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What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?

A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
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Why do blondes hate M+M's?

They're too hard to peel.
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Why can't blondes make ice cubes?

They forget the recipe.
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Did you hear about the blondes boyfriend that said he loved her?

She believed him.
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Did you hear about the blonde that robbed the bank?

She tied up the safe and blew the guard.
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Why do blondes like lightening?

They think someone's taking their picture.
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What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

Change!
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What's a blondes favourite nursery rhyme?

Humpme Dumpme
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A blonde went into a library and checked out a book called How to Hug. She got home and found that it was volume 7 of the encyclopeida.
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A cop stops a blonde thats driving down a motorway.
'Miss, may I please see your driving license?'
'Driver's license, what's that?'
'It's a little card with our picture on it.'
'Oh, duh! Here it is'
'May I please see you car insurance?'
'What's that?'
'It's a document that says your allowed to drive the car'
'Oh,this! Duh! Here you go'
The cop unzips his trousers and the blonde goes, 'Oh no not another breathalyser test'
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Two blondes are in the wood walking. One looks down and says, ' look at these deer tracks'. The other blonde looks and says, Those aren't deer tracks they're wolf tracks,' 'No , these are deer tracks.' They keep arguing and ten minutes later they're both killed by a train.
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A blonde walks into a store and says, "Can I buy that TV?"
"No," says the man, "You may not."
So the next day she dyes her hair blue and says, "Can I buy that TV?"
"No," says the man, "You may not."
So the next day she disguises as a Grandma and says, "Can I buy that TV?"
"No," says the man, "I told you yesterday, the day before, and last week. By the way, that's a microwave."
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A Blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the Blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Blonde replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for $15?"
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What do blondes say after sex?

Are You boys all in the same Band?
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Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?

The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
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A blonde and a brunette jump off a bridge, who hits the ground first?

The brunette, the blonde has to stop and ask directions.
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Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?

You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
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What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
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A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying turf across the street.
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How does a blond try to kill a fish???

She tries to drown it!!!!!
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How does a blond try to kill a bird????

She chucks it off of a cliff!
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Invented by a blonde:
1) The waterproof towel
2) Solar powered torch
3) Submarine screen door
4) A book on how to read
5) Inflatable dart board
6) A dictionary index
7) Ejector seat in a helicopter
8) Powdered water
9) Pedal-powered wheel chair
10)Waterproof tea bag

Reminds me of a joke I read in Reader's Digest over thirty years ago. If I remember correctly it was a joke about a young housewife who was quite incensed about the bank stating she was overdrawn on her monthly statement. When she went into the bank to talk to the manager he reiterated that she was overdrawn, to which she replied, I am not broke, see I still have checks in my book.