Smart Ass Answer #5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened

his trench coat and flashed at her.

Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not

your stub."
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Smart Ass Answer #4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but

she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,

"Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

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Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding

rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop

said.



The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the

cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a

ticket.



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Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that

reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead

of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to

the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of

gas."



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#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005.......................



A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here

tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury

or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other

excuses whatsoever!"

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What

would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was

restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."