"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks
it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
--Mark Twain
------------------------------
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your
accordion."
--Norman Schwartzkopf
------------------------------
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
--Marge Simpson
------------------------------
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is
sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
--Regis Philbin
------------------------------
"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better,
on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in
Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than
sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know."
--P.J. O'Rourke (1989)
------------------------------
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the
1940's who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the
face for it."
--John Mc Cain, U.S. Senator from Arizona
------------------------------
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates
America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."
--Conan O'Brien
------------------------------
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam
out of Iraq After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France
either."
--Jay Leno
------------------------------
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof ' it came marching into
Paris under a German flag."
--David Letterman
------------------------------
"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada."
--Ted Nugent
------------------------------
"War without France would be like ... World War II."
--Unknown
------------------------------
"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says
'First Iraq, then France.'"
--Tom Brokaw
------------------------------
"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its
national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
--Dennis Miller
------------------------------
"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when
they needed us."
--Alan Kent
-----------------------------
"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an
attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a
three-day supply of mistresses in the house."
--Argus Hamilton
------------------------------
"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found
truffles in Iraq."
--Dennis Miller
------------------------------
"Raise your right hand if you like the French, ... raise both hands if you
are French."
--Unknown
------------------------------
Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the
city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
-----------------------------
"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And
that's because it was raining."
--John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv
------------------------------
The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the
London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide.
The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise
in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed
France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.
------------------------------
French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use
of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly
fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris,
caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group
of Czech tourists