ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY FOR THIS?

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination

These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons

A. Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar (Where's the mayo in all of this?)

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink

A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists (Which are SO hard to swallow)

Q. How is dew formed

A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire (Do they make deoderants for plants?)

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans

A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight (Can't argue with science)

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on

A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed (Strip and prove it)

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections

A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q. What are steroids

A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (And they do the job)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age

A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental (Should I pack for travel?)

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty

A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes

A. Premature death (Aren't they all?)

Q. What is artificial insemination

A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow (Ewwwwwww)

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour

A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)

A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?

A. A small lie (Not to be confused with a white one)

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?

A. Nearby (Legs are close by)

Q. What is the most common form of birth control

A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'

A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome (Found on any map

Q. What is a seizure?

A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness

A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas (Because of all that dampness)

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning

A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. ( OMG )

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?

A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?

A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Wishful thinking I assume but I warrant that none of the contestants are white.