Understanding Engineers



Two engineering students were riding bicycles across a university campus
when one said, "Where did you get the great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking yesterday, minding my own
business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."



The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes
probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."


Understanding Engineers 2


To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers 3


A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting for fifteen
minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't think I've ever seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They
lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
let them play for free anytime!"
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I'll say a special prayer for them
tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'll contact my ophthalmologist colleague and
see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


Understanding Engineers 4


What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers 5


The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with a Commerce degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?


Understanding Engineers 6


Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it isn't sufficiently complex yet.


Understanding Engineers 7


An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a
beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess
I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What's the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend. But a talking frog - now that's cool."


And Finally


Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A
woman walked by and asked what they were doing

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we
don't have a ladder."

The woman took a spanner from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and
laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her
purse, took a measurement, announced, "6.5 metres," and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask
for the height and she gives us the length!"

Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and have been elected
to Parliament.

Having to deal with them over the years I have come to the conclusion that 144 engineers equal gross ignorance.

Ha ha ha, I can relate

quote:

Originally posted by NormanConquest:
Having to deal with them over the years I have come to the conclusion that 144 engineers equal gross ignorance.

My conclusion is, engineers exist to cover each other's Ass. Common Sense doesn't apply.

Grizz

I have way too many war stories to tell about that faction but I REALLY don't want to waste my time tonight.Suffice to say that all of them are precious + I will tell them someday as that much humor + (their ineptitude) should never be hidden.

We have one here.

And he is source of never ending humor.

Walter.

What is more, he is German!

Cannot get any worse.

He is very good at adjusting triggers.

We had people here, and just for fun, I removed the trigger plate that fits under the trigger on a Hall action.

If you turn this upside down, the trigger will not engage the sear.

Walter spent hours, to the total enjoyment of everyone, trying to adjust the trigger.

Trouble is it did not work.

Eventually I said to him he might wish to take a break, get a coffee and cake, and think it over.

While he was busy getting his coffee next door,I swapped the trigger shoe, and got it to work!

What is it they say ? You can always tell a German, but you can't tell him much.

Grizz

Along the same lines (kinda) of Saeed's story; I worked in a sheet metal shop years ago that had a plumbing dept. as well. One of the plumbers told me one time about how to totally fxxk a plumber because it had happened to him. When a house or building is ready to close they do a final inspection (r/e pressure check). Take the hose bib (faucet) off in the utility room + drop a glass marble down the pipe. When they pressure check it, all is well but after a few seconds there is no water flow. Cut the faucet off + pressure returns. The ONLY way to fix this problem is to cut off the water to the building, remove the bib + then blow it (the marble) out by water pressure. Bearing in mind that by the time you have found this problem the building is already finished + you will be blowing a skyward strean of water into a newly painted room.Oh + BTW, it needs to be a glass marble; just in case someone is smart enough to figure it out + a steel ball bearing is used, a magnet could be used to remove it; no way with glass. You get the picture.

O.K. heres another. Years ago when I worked for Southern Union Gas welding gas pipelines; they had a good policy (in a way) that when the new engineers came to work fresh out of college that they 1st served one week in the field as a helper to get some semblance of what was going on. This new kid was sent from Dee, the master fitter (who was in the hole at the time) to go + cut him a section of pipe 13' 6". The kid comes back with a piece about 6' long, so Dee says, "that's not what I want. O.K. I know what you did, you cut the pipe + brought me the wrong half. Just go get me the other piece." The kid puffs up + says, "There's no reason for that This is what you want." Now just envision this old pipefitter; a crew cut, a broken nose, clad in khakis at the bottom of a hole in the Texas summer. Basically if he has to come up there he will kick some ass. The kid puffs up again + produces one of those 6' collapsible rules + pops off, "Well this is a yardstick, isn't it?"

quote:

We have one here.

And he is source of never ending humor.

Walter.

What is more, he is German!

Cannot get any worse.

Knowing that now, it puts new meaning in the phrase: "German Engineered". Damn, scary! Saeed: Is Walter's spawn also an engineer? From what you have posted, they seem to think and act alike.

The same kid on another occasion was cutting a piece of pipe with a hack saw going 90 to nothing but only using about 1-2" of his blade. We told him to use the whole blade + he says, "I Will". Educated idiots.